Their Story

Alana & Alexa were born healthy and beautiful on Sunday, June 24, 2007 at Sharp Mary Birch Hospital in San Diego, California. Alana was born first at 1:00am and Alexa was born second at 1:05am. They were born at 18 weeks gestation.

We're Pregnant!
On March 13, two days after my 35th birthday, I took a home pregnancy test and saw a faint line. I couldn't believe what I saw. I knew a line was a line...I WAS PREGNANT!!! I took a test every day until my blood test on March 15, which confirmed I was pregnant. I was not surprised and I told the nurse that I had already taken a home pregnancy test and knew. I was four weeks along. John & I were happy beyond words. My HCG levels were taken again the next week and they were high. My OB suspected I had multiples. We thought it would be a blessing either way, but were excited about the thought of multiples.

On March 31, at 6 weeks, I got sick with the flu and had terrible pregnancy sickness. I had made homemade salsa that afternoon and it just hit me that night. I couldn't stand the thought of salsa throughout my entire pregnancy! This terrible sickness was to last until my 18th week.  I tried vitamin B6 and ginger, but they did not work. I was sick 24-hours a day...I woke up sick and went to bed sick. I wondered how long I would have to endure the sickness. I had to take Phenergan because I couldn’t eat or drink or get out of bed.  I took the minimum amount of medication that I could stand.  I didn’t want to take any chances of hurting my baby.

We're Having Twins!
On April 3, at 6 1/2 weeks, we had an ultrasound which confirmed two heartbeats. It was so amazing...we were SO EXCITED!!! We felt so special and blessed to be having our two babies at the same time. Our lives were forever changed from that moment on. Pic: twins 6 weeks (4/3)

We had ultrasounds at 7 1/2 weeks and 8 1/2 weeks. It was amazing and wonderful to see the babies grow and change. It didn't matter to us that they looked like little blobs...they were our beautiful babies and we wanted to share them with the world. Pic: twins 8 weeks (4/11)

I started to show right away and couldn't fit into any of my regular pants. I was excited to start wearing maternity clothes so early. I wanted to be big and fat and for everyone to know I was pregnant. I couldn't wait. I felt like a pregnant mommy...a dream come true for me. It was the best feeling in the world, despite the terrible nausea.

First ER Scare
On Friday, April 20, at 9 weeks, I was rushed to the ER due to heavy, bright red bleeding.  Initially, something small, gray, and membranous came out and I saved it for the ER doctor. The ER doctor checked the twins and their heartbeats were strong.  He did not do a lab on the membrane that came out.  I bled for three hours until it finally started to slow down. I was released and feared the worst over the weekend until I could see my regular OB on Monday. I was terrified that I would lose the twins. I cried all weekend, but tried to have some hope. I stayed in bed, except to use the restroom and take a quick shower.

That Monday, April 23, my OB checked the twins and they were fine. My cervix was long and hard. He believed it may have been a triplet that we lost. He said the bleeding should stop in about a week. Little did I know at the time, that I would continue to bleed for 5 1/2 weeks.

Subsequent Ultrasounds
On April 25, at 9 1/2 weeks, the ultrasound showed the twins to be growing fine. I continued to bleed heavy during this time. My OB kept telling me the bleeding should stop in a week or two, and it didn't. He also said there was nothing that could be done if we lost the babies. It was so disheartening to hear that, but I tried to stay positive. He didn't seem too concerned about the bleeding at this time because the twins were developing normally. I was told to continue normal activity, but it didn't seem right to me as I was bleeding moderately heavy. I put myself on modified bedrest. Starting April 24, I went on sick leave. I needed to take care of my babies and not add the physical and emotional stress of work. Pic: twins 10 weeks (4/25)

On May 4, at 11 weeks, the ultrasound showed a face on one of the twins and I could see their cute little legs kicking. It warmed my heart to see this miracle inside of me. Every time I would see the twins moving around it gave me so much hope. I fell in love with them more and more each day. Pics: mommy | daddy (5/5)

On May 10, almost 12 weeks, I had my First Trimester Screening with a Perinatal Sonographer and Perinatologist. They were concerned about my bleeding and found a blood clot next to one twin. They also found a slight placental tear, which they believe was the reason for my continued bleeding. I was terrified and sobbed. The perinatologist put me on complete bedrest, except to use the restroom, until I had 7-10 days of no bleeding. My OB still believed I could maintain normal activity, but I went on complete bedrest, just in case. From this point on, my mom came over every day to take care of me...cook, help clean, anything I needed. I was so terrified of losing the twins, but I still had hope. I was close to the "safe point" of 14 weeks and I just needed to get through it and I foolishly believed everything would get better after that "magical" date. Pic: mommy on Mother's Day (5/13)

On May 16, at 12 1/2 weeks, the twins continued to grow normally and were very active during the ultrasounds. I thought a part of that was attributed to the fact that I always came into the ultrasounds eating Rice Krispy Treats. The twins must have really liked that sugar! It was so incredible to see them moving around inside of me and I would get so overwhelmed by these miracles inside of me that I was barely aware of what the OB was saying. Fortunately John was there to help me remember. I would get so lost in the love and awe of seeing them. Pics: mommy | daddy (5/19)

On May 26, at 14 weeks, I experienced sharp, stabbing pains and uterine contractions on my lower left abdomen. It continued through the night and kept me up most of the night. That weekend I went to the ER twice and they diagnosed a UTI. Another OB saw a fibroid next to one of the twins, but my regular OB later said it may have been the uterus contracting. After taking Macrobid, the UTI cleared up and the contractions stopped in a few days.

May 31, at almost 15 weeks we had our regular OB ultrasound. The twins had now moved into the positions they would remain until they were born. Baby A was on the bottom and was very active. Baby B was up higher and sleeping. During the ultrasound, Baby A kicked Baby B and woke her up. It was so wonderfully funny and amazing to see that. There is a side picture of their heads together and they were very close. The OB said twins like to be close to each other. I knew they loved each other so much. Pic: twins 15 weeks (5/31)

On June 12, at 16 weeks, I saw a genetic counselor due to a positive AFP test. We weren't worried about this, but were glad that we were able to see a perinatologist again and have another good ultrasound done. They performed a Level II ultrasound to check for genetic markers that would indicate a genetic abnormality. There were no genetic markers, but they found Baby A had a velamentous cord insertion. This twin was close to my cervix and they noted that as the twin grew, they may move away from the cervix. Also, I would most likely require a C-section as bleeding would occur once the membranes ruptured. I checked with my OB and he didn't seem worried at all. He said this would come into play when I went into labor and he would talk to me more about it in September. Little did we know, my labor would happen in just two weeks.

We're Having Twin Girls!!!
It was at this appointment that we found out we were having twin girls! We were so happy! We were almost certain we were having at least one boy or both boys, so we were really surprised. We needed to find girl names that we loved. Over the next few weeks, we played with different combinations of girl names. John would kiss my belly every day and talk to his girls using different names. I loved it when he called them Alana and Alexa, Lana and Lexi. They were my favorite and felt right for these babies. Pic: mommy (6/8)

I was getting so big so fast! We took pictures often of my belly to see the changes. I had to use a maternity belt and maternity pillows to help with the pain. Every day I saw my belly grow and I put stretch mark cream on every day. I wore John's shorts because they were more comfy. I could feel the babies move around, mostly Alexa on top. It felt like fluttering and I usually felt it after I took a shower and was getting dressed. Sometimes I felt them when I was sitting down. It wasn't too often yet. With my belly growing and feeling them move, I knew they were doing well and healthy. We started to feel "safe" in that we were past the critical period of the first trimester, my bleeding stopped, my nausea was starting to subside, and I was growing and growing. We started to feel more confident about the pregnancy. It was a wonderful feeling to really feel like the twins were coming. I had secured a newborn photographer to come to the house to take pictures, finalized a design for the nursery and ordered decor online, ordered countless books on how to care for twins after birth, signed up for birthing and childcare classes at the hospital, and looked forward to the upcoming baby shower. It was really going to happen. We were going to have our first babies together! I was going to be a mommy. Pics: mommy 1 | mommy 2 (6/13)

On June 14, I wore a Hawaiian summer dress and a lei and John took a picture of me holding my belly. I loved the picture and asked him to take more poses. I wanted the babies to see this picture someday of their mommy while they were still inside of me. I was planning to take more pictures as I continued to grow so they could see what they looked like when they were still inside of me. Pic: mommy (6/14)

Pre-term Labor Begins
On June, 15, at 17 weeks, I started to feel painful contractions on my lower right side. It would happen more often at night when I was lying down on my left side. I thought it was Braxton-Hicks or the babies moving around triggering the contractions. I could feel my uterus tighten up and when I touched the area, it felt like a golf ball. This would continue on and off until I would fall asleep, then I would wake up in the middle of the night and it would continue. During the day, it would happen on and off.

On Monday, June 18, I called my OB because I felt some twinging pain in my cervix. It was intermittent and not unbearable pain, but I just wanted to check to be sure. He said it was probably normal.

On Wednesday, June 20, I called my OB again because I had diarrhea for two days and a new lower back pain on my right side. I had low back pain, but this was a new and different pain specifically on my right side. He said it was my uterus getting bigger and the lower back pain may be a backache caused by my growing uterus. He said to put a hot pack on the area and lay on the opposite side, which I was already doing. I was nervous because I had read online that my symptoms were those of pre-term labor, but I was having twins so it could be normal. The contractions continued on for a week. Pics: mommy 1 | mommy2 (6/20)

On Thursday, June 21, at almost 18 weeks, I started feeling more intense contractions. I thought the babies were being active and kicking me more often. I felt like Alana, who was near my cervix, was low and pushing down. I tightened my maternity belt for support.

I was rushed to nearby Palomar Hospital. I wanted to go to my hospital, Sharp Mary Birch, but they said it was too far in case I went into labor. Little did they know, I was in labor. When I got to the ER, I felt like I had to pee, but feared blood. I finally did and asked John if there was blood. He solemnly nodded yes, and I knew the worst had happened.

They wheeled me over to get an ultrasound and wouldn't allow John into the room. So not only was I afraid they wouldn't find a heartbeat, I couldn't have my husband there with me holding my hand. I told her not to tell me; I was too scared. She said Alana & Alexa were both alive, hearts beating and fine. Alana had lost a lot of amniotic fluid, but she was still hanging on. She was low and breech. Alexa was still high and transverse.

I was wheeled back into and ER room and still waiting for the ER doctor and OB doctor on call. I kept asking for someone to see me and I was scared to death. The nurse practitioner came in to check my cervix to see if it had dilated. She could not see the cervix because of all the blood. She pulled out a huge blood clot the size of a pancake and had to cut it with forceps. She could see Alana's umbilical cord coming out. She pushed it in with her finger and held it there until the ER doctor came in, in hopes it may help.

The ER doctor finally came and gave us the first set of bad news. We would lose Alana and most likely Alexa as well. Once my water broke, infection would spread rapidly. I didn't want to believe him. He was an ER doctor...I wanted to see an OB. I was finally taken to the OB floor and hoped the OB doctor would tell me something different. The nurses gave me Flagyl for infection and an injection of terbutaline to slow down the contractions. The OB doctor finally arrived and repeated the same bad news. Alana was definitely not going to make it and very likely Alexa as well. I thought I was in a nightmare. There was no way this was happening to me. How could it happen? He called the Sharp perinatologist on call and found they were able to save one twin in the last five years. I was immediately transferred and transported to Sharp Mary Birch at 6:45am in hopes of saving Alexa.

I arrived at Sharp Mary Birch Labor & Delivery at approximately 7:30am on Saturday, June 23. I prayed that the doctors would give me different news. Please God save my babies! The perinatologist had another delivery emergency, something more serious than what was happening to us, I was told. The OB on-call was patient and kind, corresponding with the perinatologist while I was waiting for him to see me. He checked my cervix to confirm my water broke and immediately saw Alana's umbilical cord coming through. He repeated the same bad news. Our twins would not make it and they would have to induce labor to save me from developing sepsis.

My parents and brother came. It was heart-wrenching for them as well. Alana & Alexa were their first grandchildren. My mom took care of me for seven weeks straight. Everyone felt horrified and helpless. I called my best friend and she tried to give me hope. She said my babies were fighters. They definitely were fighters, but this time I had a feeling nothing would save them. I still wanted to have hope. Maybe the perinatologist would give us a glimmer of hope.

We waited for the perinatologist to come in and give us the final diagnosis. I prayed and prayed he would give us different news. When he finally came in at about 6pm, the ultrasound showed Alana & Alexa were still alive, hearts beating. Even amidst this horrible, horrible situation, it warmed my heart to see my babies alive on the ultrasound. They wanted to live, no matter what was happening to them. And yet I felt helpless...I was their mommy and I couldn't do anything to help them.

Then he gave us the final bad news. Alana's umbilical cord was coming through my cervix. It was a cord prolapse caused by the rupturing of my membrane and her velamentous cord insertion. The cord was now acting as a "wick," pulling infection from my vagina into the uterus. With Alana's water broken, infection was already imminent to Alexa and myself. A decision needed to be made soon about how to proceed. Induce labor and give birth to the twins, or take Alana out, give me a cerclage, and try to save Alexa by putting me on high doses of antibiotics, tocolytics, and steroids. The latter would buy me only two weeks at the most, to get me to 20 weeks gestation. Even at 20 weeks, Alexa would still not be able to survive outside of the womb. There was really no choice for us, but to lose our precious girls.

I called my close friend who I knew had lost twin boys years ago at 36 weeks gestation. She was the only one I knew who could relate to what I was experiencing. I called her and asked her details of what was going to happen next. She was devastated. I still couldn't believe it was really true that I was going to lose my girls.

It was the worst and most terrifying day of my life. I wanted it all to be a horrible nightmare and I would wake up and still have the babies inside of me. I loved my girls the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test at 4 weeks. I loved my girls the moment I saw them on the ultrasound at 6 1/2 weeks. I loved my girls every day that my belly grew so fast and so huge. I loved my girls every time I felt a flutter and knew they were healthy and alive. I love them every moment of every day, more than I have loved anything in this world. I did not want to bear the thought of losing them ever and not being able to do anything for them.

At about 8pm, I was given an epidural and Cytotec to soften my cervix and induce labor. They also gave me Demerol and Phenergan to calm my nerves and help me sleep. They barely injected 1/6 of the drugs and I did not like the feeling it gave me. I felt like my throat was closing up, so I told them to stop. Minutes later, I fell asleep.

Alana & Alexa are Born
On Sunday morning, at about 12:30am, I woke up with contractions and felt like something was coming out. The nurse checked me and said nothing yet. I woke up again at 1:00am with contractions and felt Alana come out and her placenta quickly after. I called the nurse and she checked and sure enough Alana was born. The nurse called the OB doctor on-call and he came quickly. Minutes later, Alexa was born. Her placenta did not come out. The OB doctor had to reach in multiple times to finally get it out because it was up so high. Alexa was not ready to come out. Alexa was born about 5 minutes after Alana.

Alana Rose, 5.7 oz, 7 1/2 inches
Alexa Rose, 6.6 oz, 8 inches

I was too terrified to see them. I was in total shock of what was happening to me and not thinking clearly. I begged John not to see them. I was extremely devastated and wanted so badly to move on immediately. This was a response to shock as I had never experienced anything like this before in my life. I did not realize at the time that I needed to see them more than anything. They were my baby girls and they needed their mommy. The nurse was an angel, and they took pictures of Alana & Alexa's feet and hands, and took their feet impressions. She gave us a memory quilt book with the knitted baby blankets she put them in when they were born, hospital tags, and birth cards. She came to see us in recovery around 7:30am. When she gave it to us, we sobbed...they were so beautiful. We were so surprised to see them so developed. We did not know. Alana's feet looked exactly like John's and Alexa's looked like mine. John later expressed to me his regret that we did not see them and hold them when they were born. He said we should have been there to protect them because they might have been scared. They needed their mommy and daddy and we were too scared and in shock. We both felt so terrible. When the charge nurse asked me how I was doing, I told her about what John had expressed to me. She told me the babies were still here. I didn't know that. She said if we wanted to see them, we could. I talked to John and we definitely wanted to see them.

Later that evening in recovery, around 4:45pm, we got to hold our precious girls in our arms. Seeing Alana & Alexa changed our lives forever. John's first words were, "They are so beautiful." They were beautiful and perfect. I stared at their little perfect bodies and couldn't believe I made them. I held them in my arms and told them how much we loved them. I was really their mommy. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. From that moment, I knew it was something I wanted to have again, no matter how much pain I had to endure. I loved them in a way I had never loved anyone. I did not want to let them go. We brought the family in to see Alana & Alexa. It was very sad for them, but comforting to see these beautiful girls and hold them.

Going Home
That night, I was released from the hospital. It pained us to leave without our babies. It was not right. To face our house with all of the items left the night my water broke, the baby books, ultrasound pictures, maternity dresses, and everything about the babies. We sobbed on the way home, at home, in the shower, in bed...we held hands and kissed and held the babies' blankets and finally fell asleep sobbing.

On Monday, June 25, I started searching for a mortuary and cemetery that would be located near where we planned to move. This is what we wanted to do for Alana & Alexa. I found El Camino Memorial Park and made an appointment for Tuesday to finalize arrangements. We ended up going there almost everyday that week. We wanted to find the perfect place for our twins. I worked on their Remembrance Cards for the memorial services and asked my good friends to organize the reception. We were so grateful for their help. Here is the Remembrance Card I created for Alana & Alexa's funeral services: Forever in our hearts...Alana & Alexa.

Seeing the Babies Again
On Tuesday, June 26, we went back to the hospital and were able to see and hold them again. We were so happy to be with them and talk to them, look at their perfect faces and bodies, kiss them, and love them more than ever. We took pictures this time so we could look at them whenever we wanted.

On Wednesday, June 27, El Camino Mortuary had to pick them up, so we saw them again the next day at the mortuary. They were deteriorating fast, but they were stil perfect. We loved holding them and talking to them, telling them over and over again how much we loved them.

On Thursday, June 28, we saw them again at the mortuary, but they had been embalmed the night before and it had really affected them. It was then that John & I knew it was time for their bodies to rest. Their spirits were already in heaven - happy and playing - and their bodies were really just for us here on Earth. The family saw them again for the last time and it was hard for everyone to see them that way. I wanted everyone to remember Alana & Alexa the way they looked on their birthday in the hospital. We didn't want anymore viewings, other than for John & I.

Their Funeral
On Monday, July 2, we saw Alana & Alexa for the last time as we dressed them in the sleeping bags and blanket my mom had crocheted for them, and placed their mini rosaries on top. We layed them next to each other in the casket along with the sentimental items from each of the family members. I wrote a poem for them (click on "Dedication"). The funeral service was at 2:00pm that afternoon and it was a beautiful service. Fifty-seven family and friends were there out of love for Alana & Alexa and support for us. They were buried at the Vista Pacifica lawn next to a tree at El Camino Memorial Park. My co-workers organized a nice reception at the Events Lawn. We were very touched by the kindness of our family and friends during this difficult time.

We visited their gravesite again the next day. The memorial marker will be ordered and placed in 3-4 months. In the meantime, we want to be sure their gravesite is decorated with beautiful silk flowers and pinwheels. We want the twins to have something nice, beautiful, and fun from mommy and daddy. We will continue to visit them and Alana & Alexa's memory will continue to live on in future children.

Please remember Alana & Alexa in your prayers. We will see them again someday and we know they are taking care of each other in heaven.

We love you, sweet babies!

- story written through the eyes and heart of their mommy

Pictures of Alana & Alexa:

• Cute feet! Alana's feet look like John's and Alexa's look like mine!
• Cute hands! The nurse took this picture of them holding hands. We know this is what they continue to do in Heaven.
• Cute faces! Alana has my big, round head and face. Alexa looks like John. I see Alexa in John every day.
• More cute faces! See how little they are next to John's thumb.
• Mommy holding the twins. I wish I could hold them forever. I do always in my heart.
• Daddy kissing the twins. He's kissing Alexa in this picture. John kissed the twins every day when they were growing inside me.